A Public Apology to the Pharisees

I feel like I should apologize to the Pharisees. For as long as I can remember I have looked at them some type of way because of their legalism. I would (and still kind of do) get so mad at them for being so caught up with ‘the law’ and their man-made additions to it, that they couldn’t recognise Jesus. The same Jesus who was written about so extensively throughout the scriptures that they knew so well. The same Messiah that they had been waiting for. They missed Him completely.

But I never asked myself why they fought back against Jesus being the Messiah so aggressively. They did not want to hear it at all. I used to put it off to pride – that they felt like He was challenging their authority and status. But as I am going through my own struggles in my walk with God (another story for another day), I think there is more to it than just pride.

1. Expectation. They had read the scriptures and knew of God’s promise of salvation. They believed His promise. Only problem is, they had an expectation of what the fulfillment of the promise would look like. It did NOT look like Jesus. They couldn’t recognise Him because they were not looking out for Him.

2. Fear. They were scared of what it would mean if Jesus really was the Messiah. They were being confronted by correction. Their mistakes were being highlighted. They had a calling upon their life and had built an identity around it – now they are being told they were doing it wrong? I can just hear their hearts saying “nah fam, this dude is a hater! Who is he to tell us (who have dedicated so much of our lives to the scriptures) about God’s Word?”

It is for these 2 reasons that I have to apologize to the Pharisees because I am guilty of these too.

I have unwittingly had blinders on, looking for God to move in particular ways. Expecting Him to answer my prayers according to my own understanding. I have to continuously remind myself of Proverbs 3:5-6 and Ephesians 3:20 to keep my expectations in check. To remind myself that I cannot anticipate His moves. But I still fall into this trap – especially when I think I can “see” where the answer to my prayer is going to come from.

I have also been holding on steadfast to an ‘identity’ of who I am and what I have been called to. Often times, God would give me a word, and I would have a full manuscript with appendix. Adding my own understanding on top of what He said. When it seems like He is making me change course, I get confused because I know God does not change His mind. It took a long time for me to realise that He has not changed His mind, but rather that He is revealing the next step. Unfortunately, because I ran when I was supposed to walk, it feels as if He is asking me to change course. And that is scary. I had invested so much to get to where I was, I had created goals and dreams based on my interpretation of His Word. Does He expect me to just abandon all that I had put in?

In this season, I am learning to take it one step at a time. Listening to Him. Not thinking too far ahead. And trusting His direction (be it a glimpse/snapshot or a whole panoramic view). It is in the humility of submitting to His Lordship that I am reshaping my paradigms. This is scary stuff! I don’t blame the Pharisees for resisting because reshaping one’s paradigms according to a plan that we have no control over, that brings out the instinct of self-preservation.

So to the Pharisees, I humbly apologize for not giving you grace. The same grace that is given to me daily. The same grace I also am learning to give to myself.

#Faith #obedience